Let's Read Awful AB Fan Fiction

[Fauna]

Keep in mind that in writing fan fiction, you do need to stay within the boundaries of stabilized canon and the physical or moral limits of the show you're writing for. Like, when I was twelve, I was a giant fan of Darkwing Duck, and tried to give one of the characters - she an orphan adopted by the main character - an older sister, my own character. But I soon realized that it wouldn't mix with the rest of the show at all.

Now...coming up in ten, I present to you all, "ASTRO Vs AMTRATS". I don't want to spoil the story for you, so here's the author's own summary...

"Skunk got some help to impersonate Astro and robbing another bank when Astro returns he's in deeper trouble. Astro got arrested and no one is gonna help him. Who will save Astro in time?"

What does it mean? I...I don't know, but stay tuned!

[Fauna]

Hi. This is Astro Boy. Monkayfun won't be announcing the new story but I will. He got the 80's version DVD set at the store last week and he loved it alot. Since he loves the cartoon show very much he's gonna make stories about me. In this story, the banks were robbed four times by the Amtrats. The most advanced robots for impersonating enemies and striking at someone who's trying to stop them. Skunk stole them at the Scientific Observation and framing me from the crimes I didn't commit. Who will help me and stopping Skunk before he's making a clean getaway? Find out on Astro Boy!

Wow. This prologue, uh, sort of speaks for itself. Monkayfun2K5 hasn't written anything in years, and it's all bad and matches my writing behaviour at a certain age, so I assume he was twelve at the time.

At theFirst National Bank in Metro City, a long stretch limo stops at the no parking zone. The thugs were called the Amtrats the most advanced robots to impersonate enemies to stop terrorists before planning attacks but they're confisicated by the notorious criminal Skunk for making a clean getaway wtih the stolen money. Now, the Amtrats are impersonating Astro Boy to get the Robot Guards some attention.

You mean there's a whole industry dedicated to making robots that can "impersonate enemies to stop terrorists"? And Skunk somehow got a hold on them all, and they just put up with it? Either this is terrible, or Skunk needs a high-five.

ASTRO: Good evening,Robot Guards. How's it going?
ROBOT GUARD #1: Well, it's been a boring night to protect the Bank.
ROBOT GUARD #2:You made heard theNews about few Banks were robbed four times in a row.
ROBOT GUARD #1: That's why we're protecting this Bank before they'll come.
ASTRO: Yeah. Especially they gotinside this Bank already. Look.
BOTH: Huh?

The story is in script format, which is a big no, as it's usually very clunky and takes a lot of exposition breaks to reveal what the characters are feeling or doing. Breaks like this...

Then, the fake Astro burn them bothreally hot and theRobot Guards were destroyedwhile the rest of them got the loot. The alarms were blaring so the red lights blinking. They get inside the stretch limo and reveling away. Skunk was impressed.

THIS. I love this passage. THE FAKE ASTRO BURN THEM BOTHREALLY HOT

SKUNK: WE'RE RICH! WE'RE FILTHY, STINKING RICH!
AMTRAT#2135: Nothing to it. We did everything we can. No one's stopping us from stealing the Bank's money.
SKUNK: Yeah. Thankfully, I reprogrammed you guys to do my 's see if Astro can stop me. HA HA HA HA HA!

Do my 's? And why must everyone talk like they have a mouth full of pudding?

ASTRO BOY Vs. THE AMTRATS
Story and Written by Monkayfun2K5
This contains mild action violence so it's rated 6+
Disclaimer; Astro Boy andcharacters are TM's and (C) OsumaTezuka/Tezuka Productions

First off, six-year-olds don't read fan fiction. The closest thing is things like my bootleg version of Digimon I serialized in my picture journal (Digimon was banned in my class), and if a child that young were on FF.net I would panic, I tell you. Secondly, anyone who spells Osamu's name wrong that badly loses 600 Respect Points from me.

Later in the morning while the investigation commencedwith Inspector Gumshoe.
GUMSHOE: WHAT DID YOU MEAN THERE'S NO EVIDENCE IN THE CRIMESCENE! It's been a fourth time in a row.

I love how he was ALL OVER THE TOP and then calmly finished his rant.

CHIEF McCLAW: Well, we look everywhere from top to bottom. There's not a single one. Did you think the robots were been controlled by someone?
GUMSHOE: Impossible. We apprehend all the villains who controls all robots. They didn't did do this until now.

Half of every Astro Boy episode ever will involve a robot that's been manipulated by a human, so that's a stupid question.

ROBOT OFFICER: Hey, Gumshoe, guess what Ifound out from this guard. Guess who's description from thismelting robot.
GUMSHOE: (sniffs) RocketBoosters. Astro. I knew there's something about that robot I don't like. Find him, punish him. Placing wanted pictures allover the city.I want that robot to be placed under arrest. UNDERSTAND!

...He can smell "RocketBoosters"?
Although, with a nose like that, I wouldn't be surprised if it had super-sensory.

CHIEF McCLAW: Yes, sir. Why Astro did such a bad thing?
Uh, oh. Astro Boy is in trouble now. Now, the Metro City Police Department are looking for him from the crime which he didn't commit. Meanwhile at Astro's Parents' house,Uran is trying to teach Jump for fetching the bone.
URAN: Hey, Jump, look what I got. A bone. Wanna play fetch?
Jump bouncing and bark "yes".

See, this is what I was talking about before. I appreciate Monkayfun's attempt to match the feel of the more upbeat episodes, but...why Astro did such a bad thing?

URAN: Okay. NOW, FETCH!
Uranthrew the bone into the air and landed inside the bushes. Jump moves faster but he eventually stops there waiting for Uran to get the bone for him but Uran was upset and said.
URAN: And I thought animals have intelligence. Come on, Jump, go fetch it. I said go and fetch it. Urggh! Okay, then, watch me. I'll showyou how to get the bone like this. Now, whereis it?
Suddenly, Astro Boy flew into the airto get back home from School. He landed safely and said when Jump jumps on him.
ASTRO: Hey, boy. Come on, cut it out, Jump. HA HA! I missed you, too, boy. What's going on? Where's Uran?
URAN: (muffled) See? Nothingto it. Astro?

So...so bad...

[Fauna]

ASTRO: Hey, Uran.
URAN: (muffled) ASTRO, I MISSED YOU! How's School Today?
ASTRO: Absolutely perfect. I see you've been training my dog to fetch the bone. Haven't you?
URAN: (muffled) Yeah.
ASTRO: Now, spit the bone out of your mouth. I'll showed you how to fetch a bone. Go, Fetch, boy.

: Why, I'm having a perfect day! I didn't even notice the hysterical cops looking for me for no reason.

Astro throwsthe bone and Jump jumps into mid air andgrabs the bone with his mouth. Jumpdid pretty good with the bone andAstro pettingJump for doing a good job.

Another "favourite" of mine~

ASTRO: That's a good boy, Jump. Good work for teaching Jump to Fetch. He really appreciates it.
URAN: Dogs.
ASTRO'S DAD: Astro.

RIVETTING SEA TALES

ASTRO: MOM! DAD! I'M HOME! Hey,Dad. Is something wrong?
ASTRO'S DAD: You better watch the News, son. Is something about what you did last night.
BOTH: Huh?
Later while they're watching the News about Astro the criminal.

They were sleeping in the same house, right? It's not like they could think Astro just snuck out to do crap...I mean, remember that one episode where Uran went to get the phone at night, and Astro's robot dad ran down to check on her?

REPORTER: Last night approximately at 8:45 p.m., anotherBank was robbed by Astro and his hoodlum gangbots. Trashing the place and robbing millions of dollars left out of the officials said two Robot Guards were melted by Astro's Rocket Boosters. We're getting new information by Inspector Gumshoe himself. Inspector Gumshoe, did you think he did those crimes?
GUMSHOE:Yes. We never trusted him since he's been built. He wasn't a heroin the first place.
REPORTER: What's gonna happen if Astro got captured?
GUMSHOE: If he got captured, he'll be disassmbled, permanently. If you seen him or he's visiting at the Ministry of Science please contact me as soon as possible. That is it all.
The Reporters were mumuring when Inspector Gumshoe leaves the Conference Room and Astro turns off the TV with a shocking gasp.

AAAAH HE GASPED
Also, I like how everybody jumped to conclusions...Tawashi would normally question Astro and give him a lot of crap during the process, but he wouldn't jump to this extreme.

ASTRO: That's impossible. I couldn't done those crimes, did I?
ASTRO'S DAD: It's obvious that you were responsible for those crimes. Why did you do that? I thought you were a good son.
ASTRO: Dad, you got to believe me.
URAN: Astro's right, Dad. If he commits a crime, he should have money behind his back.
ASTRO'S DAD: I'm sorry, Uran. Protecting his innocence won't help your brother.
ASTRO: I'm gonna find out who's been framing me. GOOD-BYE!
ASTRO'S DAD: ASTRO!

Wow, Astro, your foster dad is a jerk. >:c

Astro flew away from home toget to Dr. Elephan's Office at the Ministry of Science so he can be able to help Astro to prove his innocence and finding the guy who's been framing him.
ASTRO'S VOICE OVERHEAD: I got to find out who's responsible for this. Maybe Dr. Elephan can help me before Gumshoe gets there.
PILOT: THERE HE IS! BLAST HIM!
The Police Helicopter came and shooting at him with force but Astro won't be toltering from them. Now, he makes a move to spin the Helicopter around like a oval and flying away.

Way to go, Astro! By assaulting a police vehicle, you may have just made everything worse for yourself.

Later, when he's at the Ministry of Science building he crash through the window and to Dr. Elephan but the Police steps ahead to his office to arrest Astro.
ASTRO: What the...?
OFFICER: Astro, you're under arrest for robbery and zooming away from the Police. You have right to remain silent. If you refuse to remain silent, anything...
ASTRO: DR. ELEPHAN! PLEASE TELLTHEM IT WASN'T ME! I WAS FRAMED! PLEASE TELL THEM, THEY'LL UNDERSTAND!
DR. ELEPHAN: I'm sorry, Astro. I have no choise. From the News I watched I was very disappointed in you. You use to be a good kid but not anymore. Officers, take him away.

This is so out of character...but you know what, here's some of the most beautifully crafted, emotional scenes ever:

ASTRO: Dr. Elephan.
DR. ELEPHAN: Idon't want to see you again.
ASTRO: Doctor. Oh.

*snif* So beautiful...

As Astro got captured, all the reporterswere overcrowding thesidewalks as the Poice Robots andthehuman Officerswalking away the Ministry of Science and putting him inside the Paddy Wagon. Astrois very depressed to become a criminal. His human friends were ignoring him when the Paddy Wagon passing them by. Meanwhile at Skunk's Hideout, he saw the News very pleased to see Astro in Robot Prison.
REPORTER: Astro is in custody and sentencing in Robot Prison in life.
SKUNK: HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Skunk was really happy to see Astro in Robot Prison so he won't be bothered anymore.
SKUNK:WHAT JOY! WHAT FUN! DID YOU SEE THE LOOK OF HIS FACE! HE'S OVERWHELMED! HA HA HA!

Skunk wouldn't say things like "what joy"...even if Astro were to actually get arrested without a proper look into evidence, alibis or a trial, Skunk would probably be watching it on TV while knocking back a beer with all his henchmen. Speaking of them, where are they in this story? Are they in the robots?

[Fauna]

AMTRAT# 2134: Sir, what about his sister?
SKUNK: What about her?
AMTRAT# 2134: She could be the key forfoiling your masterful plans.
SKUNK: Intresting point, Amtrat# 'll try to ruin my reputation when she blabs to her parents about me. Tonight, we'll pay her a little visit to get her. HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Now he's no better than a 6th grade bully. :c And what would a little girl robot be good for in his "masterful plans"?

That night atAstro's home, everyone were asleep except for Uran becauseher brother is in Robot Prison. There's nothing she could do to help him and now she's very upset.
URAN: I wish Icould something to help my brother. But it's too late. (sighs)
Suddenly, a black stretch limo approaching towards toAstro's house turning around to the backyard and stops there. Uran wonder whois coming to his brother's home. So she slet down to the ground and landedinto the bushes. She pops out of the bushes and said.
URAN: I wonder why the limo stops here. All right, you guys. If you wanna fight me, we'll have a fight. A niceclean..
Then, the bullets blasting thehouse rapidly and Uran ducks but she pops out of the bushes and hittingwith her fists and few of them were destroyed. She done a great job to protect her family.
URAN: No one messes with me. HEY, YOU, PUT ME DOWN!WHO DID YOUTHINK...?

Hitting who with her fists? She's like, fighting invisible ghosts or something. Besides, when you think someone's going to kidnap you, you don't "slet down to the ground and landedinto the bushes".

SKUNK: COME ON, FELLAS! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
The car revelingaway from the house and Astro'sParents were awake and stepping outsideand the car disappeared. Astro's Dad.
ASTRO'S DAD: Did you see that? The nerve of that driveralways distrubing our sleep.
ASTRO'S MOM: Oh, no.
ASTRO'S DAD: What is it, dear?
ASTRO'S MOM: It's Uran's bow. That driver took our daughter away.
ASTRO'S DAD: He did what? Oh, dear. Andhe got some company at back. We better get to theMinistry of Science right away.

Astro's Mom: We should probably let them know that we're the absolute worst parents ever, too.

Meanwhile at Astro's cell inside the RobotPrison, Astro was looking at the stars getting really depressedand looking at hisblack and white stripes jacket andsaid.

I thought Astro was going to be "immediately dismantled"?

ASTRO: How did I do that? I was helping people I loved andthey don't love me anymore. Maybe I should quit been a hero forever. (sighs)
Suddenly, a voice cries out.
KEVIN: That won't be necessary, Astro.
ASTRO: Who said that?
KEVIN: I did.
ASTRO: Who are you?
KEVIN: Name's Kevin Lee. I heard everything about the bank robbery incident.
ASTRO: What are you doing here?

He's being the author's self-insert, that's what. He'll be powerful, loved by all the good characters, feared by all the bad characters, have all the tools he needs whenever he needs them...

KEVIN: Trying to sent you free so we can stop Skunk together.
ASTRO: Wait a minute. Skunk? He's the one who behind this?
KEVIN: You got it, kid.
ASTRO: You can't bust me free. This place is shockproof and heat resistant. Not even my boosters are gonna melt those bars down.
KEVIN: Thank goodness it isn't acid etch.
Kevin pours acid chemicals to melt the bars away and it's working so now Astro is free to get out. Kevin said.

KEVIN, WHERE WERE YOU KEEPING THAT ACID?

KEVIN: Come on, kid. Let's get out of here.
Astro flee the scene when he grabs Kevin's hands theguards came and saw Astro disappeared. They were berserk.
GUARD #1: ASTRO ESCAPES!
GUARD #2: CALL INSPECTOR GUMSHOE WE NEED MORE BACKUP!
Who stations just two guards at a robot jail?!

Kevin told everythingto Astro about Skunk and Amtrats were responsible forthe Bank robberies and framing him to ruin his image. Astro said to Kevin.
ASTRO: Let me get something stright here, Kevin. You're telling me those Amtrats can impersonating anyone to eliminate enemies?
KEVIN: Yes. But the Ministry of Science cancelling the projects to shut themdown. Now, Skunk is confiscating those bots to do what he , can you infiltratSkunk's location at night?
ASTRO: No problem.
Astro picks up something from his rednightvision and it's Skunk's Hideout at Pier 23. Astro said.
ASTRO: According to his destination, he's located at Peir 23.
KEVIN: That's the docks. We'll better find a safe locationjust in case.

Wow, thanks Kevin. Not only could you know ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE REAL STORY IN THIS CASE OMG but you feel it's necessary to remind us that a pier = boat dock.

Meanwhile at the Ministry of Science, Astro's Parents told Dr. Elephan everything about the situation. Dr. Elephan said toAstro's Parents.
DR. ELEPHAN: This is terrible. We didn't believe his innocencefrom his believable truth. Now,the Police arresting a innocent boy robot.
ASTRO'S MOM: That's not all. Uran waskidnapped by a driverwhile we're awake.
DR. ELEPHAN: HE DID WHAT! We got to get Astro sent freefrom Robot Prison, immediately.
GUMSHOE: That won't be necessary, Dr. Elephan. He's been escaped in Prison already. Someone was helping him out.
DR. ELEPHAN: To find the insofferable man who did this to Astro. Let's go.

How could such a large group of people honestly think Astro was in the wrong?! I'm looking at you, Ochanomizu!

Now, everyone are going to find Astro and stopping Skunk before things are getting bad to worse. Meanwhile outside at Skunk's Hideout, Astro and Kevin are walking slowly towards to his place. They didn't say anything yet butuntil Astro found Uran inside the Storage Room andhe got shocked.
ASTRO: (whispers) Uran.
Astro bust the wall down and cutting the rope out from her bodyand Uran was awake to see herbrother's face again.
URAN: Astro.

Wow, they all sound so bored...or maybe the aforementioned pudding in their mouths limits the emotion they can give off.

KEVIN: Guess you found your sister in the Storage , Skunk and his team know we're here.
Then,the Amtarts

ARM TARTS

blasting the door and starts firing atthem with everything they have so now Astro and Uranleaves the place andAstro putting hissister on the crates. He said to his sister.
ASTRO: Uran, you stay there I'll comeback for you. Okay?
URAN: Okay. Be careful.
KEVIN: THAT'S WHATYOU GET FOR FRAMING THE HERO ROBOT!
Kevin blasting at them with his gun until Astro beaten them up with his own fist and most of them were destroyed. He uses his rocket boosters from his legs and his arms. Then, he uses his guns from his butt toblast them all quickly. Kevin destroys 5 Amtrats and now Skunk is getting away with his money.

All the money? Wouldn't that be really hard to run with and keep a hold on, or would he have to stuff it into his clothes? Wait...I feel I must draw that latter picture.

SKUNK: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, ASTRO! I HAVE WON! I'M STILL RICH!
ASTRO: NOT SO FAST, SKUNK FACE!

Skunk face. SKUNK. FACE. I don't even. I want somebody to say this to my face so I can have the best laugh ever for ten minutes or so. That's like calling me "Fauna Head".

Astro picks up Skunk with his strength and flying to the air but when he does the Police came along with Dr. Elephan and his Parents and his friends.
SKUNK: LET ME GO! LET ME GO! I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!

YOU ARE NOT. You must've flown aircraft at least three times in the 80's series.

GUMSHOE: Now, anymore while you're in Prison, Skunk. Take him away.
DR. ELEPHAN: Astro, you were telling the truth. We're sorry for the big misunderstanding about you breaking the law.
ASTRO'S PARENTS: Can youever forgive us?
ASTRO: Apology accepted.
ALL: YEAH!
URAN: That's for hurting mybrother's life, jerk. (PUNCH!)
SKUNK: Mommy, can you read me a bedtime story? Uhh. (THUD!)

Reactions:
1) You're all shells of your former selves. And those shells are filled with utter cheese.
2) My first reaction was "nuuu she hurted Skunk ;A;" until I realized Uran has about 10,000 horsepower, which is about the same as a really high-end sportscar engine. So if all that power were to collide with Skunk's head...well, it would probably do worse damage than give him a concussion.
3) THE ASIMOV-TEZUKA LAWWWWS

ASTRO: So tell me what department you'vebeen working for?
KEVIN: It's a long story. I'm a Undercover Detective for 3 years. Being a Master of Dsiguises and tracking down...
And so, Astro'sfree to go from the crime he didn't commit as for Skunk he'll be spending in Prison for along time. All the people who loved Astro were smiling againto see Astro got his life again and he made a new friend Kevin but Kevin will pay thedamages at Robot Prison. The Bank money returns back to it's proper place. The Amtrats will not bereconstructed for along time. There's more adventures yet to come next time.

And are these adventures told by a different person?

That was a good story, wasn't it? If you loved this story, please review this story and he'll make more next time. Until then, see you later. Bye-Bye! (zooms away)

THE END!

There's actually three more stories from this guy...obviously, the one review he got on it was enough encouragement to make more. One of these stories involves the Easter Bunny, and the other one kills off Astro. Such beauty in variety.

So, my reaction...I would like to do this to the story. My fist will indeed shout a hit heard around the world. That's how strong my feelings are.