Saving Luna

[ASTRO BOY IS AWESOME!]

thanx i hope to get chapter 5 done by this weekend i've finished chapter 2 i just need to edit it

[Novacain]

Nice work, Trooper Droid! Certainly doesn't warrant an "F", I don't think... Maybe it was slightly outta context for your assignment?

Lookin' forward to reading more!

[ASTRO BOY IS AWESOME!]

thanx Mama novi well actually we were just suposed to right a story about anything but i usaually do run on sentences

[Novacain]

It's a great idea for a story! You write very well... maybe you should try to distinguish the dialect a little more... like this:

“Astro!” I said
“What do you need Luna?”Astro replied.
“Well I need a faster brother, catch me if you can!” I yelled as I ran home.
“Ok but don’t be upset if you get beaten!” came his reply, as passed me on his rocket jets.

I think it may make it easier to follow what the characters are saying and might help cut back on the run-on sentences.

[ASTRO BOY IS AWESOME!]

ya mabey still workin on it

[the 鉄腕アトム fan]

So when's next chapter coming?

[ASTRO BOY IS AWESOME!]

almost done editing i hope today or tomorrow

[the 鉄腕アトム fan]

YAY

[ASTRO BOY IS AWESOME!]

it might be a while before the next chapter cause i'm stumped :d oh:
Chapter 2
(While Luna is gone Astro’s point of view) After losing Luna in her ‘race’ I landed walked in the house when Dr. Oshay standing by the door.
“Hi Dr.!” I said
The Dr. frowned
“ Astro, where’s Luna?” he asked.
I realized she never came home
“ Oh no” I said,
“ I left her behind when we were racing, I have to go look for her!”
I ran and took off right out the door to go look for Luna.
“Astro! Be careful!” Dr. Oshay yelled.
I thought I searched all over the entire city, so I decided to talk to Detective Tawashi “Detective!” I said
Running up to him.
“Astro” he said
“Detective, my sister Luna didn’t come home today. I’m really worried that something may have happened to her.”
I said trying to hold back my tears.
“I’m sorry Astro if you’ve looked all over town then I can’t do anything about it.” The Detective said. I flew off without saying goodbye to Detective Tawashi. All I could think about was how scared Luna would be right now.

[Gotta Love ASTRO BOY]

Very good Abia. ^^ you are faaarrr better than I was at your age. Accually your far better than I was 5 months ago